Home   Tonbridge   News   Article

Tonbridge mum of autistic son opens up on the challenges of parenting neurodiverse children as part of Autism Acceptance Week

A parent has likened raising a child with autism to being a mother, coach, therapist and teacher all rolled into one.

Elyse Hodgess is mum to Henry, six, who has a combined diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and ADHD.

She lives with her family in Tonbridge and is passionate about inclusion and helping others to realise their full potential and grow their careers.

When reflecting on motherhood and raising a child with autism, Elyse said it had been both an eye-opening and educational experience.

She told KentOnline: "There have been so many things I have had to learn and unlearn about parenting and it has been a huge eye opener when reflecting on my own childhood experience" she said

"ASD is often hereditary and what I know about myself, my parents, sibling and wider family unit all makes so much more sense in the context of the understanding that I now have."

Elyse was speaking as families and psychologists across the UK come together to celebrate Autism Acceptance Week which runs until Sunday April 2.

Tonbridge mum Elyse Hodgess and her six-year-old son, Henry. Picture: Elyse Hodgess
Tonbridge mum Elyse Hodgess and her six-year-old son, Henry. Picture: Elyse Hodgess

The 36-year-old, who works at a recruitment company, said she feels her role as a mother has extended to coach, therapist, advocate, teacher, and her son's best friend.

She said: "I often say everything is fine until it’s not. What people don't often appreciate is how much effort goes into ensuring that the 'all fine' is maintained.

"From the endless social story creations, reassuring hugs and long conversations at bed time about obsessive thoughts or the anticipated routine changes for the next day; to role plays on talking to others and managing big emotions, parenting a neurodiverse child can be full on.

"There is rarely any downtime, you are constantly having to think ahead and plan for all eventualities and potential sensory hurdles."

Elyse added: "I think as a mother I have learned to be more organised, patient, creative and forgiving.

"Something that I wasn't prepared for was the anxiety that comes with worrying about what the future might hold for your child.

"In my case, the future may be thinking ahead to the afternoon’s gymnastics class and imagining: will there be another explosive meltdown if someone skips the line?

"Or fast forward 15 years when he will join the world of work - will he have a supportive boss and team who will embrace him and make the necessary adjustments to ensure he thrives and is able to contribute positively?"

Tonbridge mum Elyse Hodgess' six-year-old son, Henry has been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Picture: Elyse Hodgess
Tonbridge mum Elyse Hodgess' six-year-old son, Henry has been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Picture: Elyse Hodgess

The mum-of-two said that meeting other parents in the same situation had helped her massively.

"No two autistic children are the same but I have definitely met some amazing parents of autistic children who I have a lot in common with," she said.

"There are so many online and face-to-face communities to join where you can learn from others and offload experiences and emotions of your own to kind and caring individuals who truly get it.

"My husband and I recently joined a parent mentoring group where we met weekly in person with other parents who are going through similar experiences. It was so therapeutic.

"We cried together sharing stories about being asked how our day was or receiving unexpected hugs and laughed at the great lengths we go to on a daily basis to keep things calm.

"If other parents can find local community groups to join, I would tell them to absolutely go for it."

Tonbridge mum Elyse Hodgess and her six-year-old son, Henry. Picture: Elyse Hodgess
Tonbridge mum Elyse Hodgess and her six-year-old son, Henry. Picture: Elyse Hodgess

Dr Diana Goldsmith, a clinical psychologist at Foundations Child and Family Therapy in Tonbridge, has highlighted the importance of dedicating an entire week to raising awareness to the strengths and struggles of neurodiverse people and their families.

She said: "The common challenges that we find in our clinic are really the importance of why Autism Acceptance Week is happening and why we really need to find the time to have a dialogue around why it's important to have acceptance around this condition.

"It's really about making society work for autistic people in a sense of the aspects of the sensory overload, workplaces or school with difficult lighting can be overwhelming, with loud noises, with a lot of commotion.

"The aspects of masking and trying to be someone that they're not in the sense of always being social or, having a lot of social demands placed on them, can be quite tiring over time.

"And really the aspect of anxiety as well. So, leaving the home being quite difficult at times because that's their safe place and where they feel that they can be themselves.

"So for each individual it is completely different of what they're struggling with.

"But overall, it's really about adapting society so that it's working for autistic people."

Close This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies.Learn More