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Mementoes including Remembrance poppies banned from graves at St Peter's Church, Bredhurst

A judge has ruled sentimental mementoes placed for loved ones at a church graveyard must be removed.

After a five-year dispute grieving families have been told they will not be allowed to lay small items such as teddy bears, toys, candles and balloons at St Peter's Church, in Bredhurst, because it contravenes regulations.

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Artificial flowers and Remembrance poppies are also banned.

The findings of a consultation led by the the Parochial Church Council have been announced to parishioners stating the majority wanted no change in regulations that govern the burial ground.

Nationally, the Church of England has a set of rules on how churchyards are managed, which parishes like St Peter's are legally obliged to follow.

These are drawn up by the Chancellor, an independent legal judge for the diocese which covers Medway, north Kent and parts of south east London.

Some mourners had requested that changes be made regarding the types of memorials that are allowed, particularly around children's graves.

Such allowances can only be granted by the Diocesan Chancellor of Rochester John Gallagher.

A consultation, which ran between November 9 and December 14 last year, found that 63% did not think the rules needed changing and 62% did not want the PCC to petition the Chancellor for any change in the existing format.

Graves at St Peter's Church, Bredhurst
Graves at St Peter's Church, Bredhurst

The Bredhurst Community Bereavement Forum has raised awareness of the heartache caused to relatives who have been denied or had tributes removed.

Members packed a meeting at Bredhurst Village Hall on Friday which was also attended by the Archdeacon of Rochester, the Ven Andrew Wooding Jones.

Forum spokesman Cherly Tutt, said: "This was the opportunity to build bridges, show compassion and empathy and unite a community.

"We are not saying it should look like a fairground. We are asking for a level of tolerance.

"The church should hang its head in shame."

Mrs Tutt said although these regulations came into force in 1981, previous vicars had shown "discretion" and allowed some exceptions.

One mum, whose son Callum died at the age of two, said she was left "very upset" when a church warden removed a balloon near his headstone in front of her.

Jill Day and husband Malcolm from Wigmore said: "We were sitting on a bench on Callum's birthday, contemplating, just feet away when he told us off for leaving the balloon and said he was going to take it away. I asked him calmly to go away, and said I would take it away. It should be a lovely peaceful place to go, but this has left me tarnished.

"I can understand at the beginning the church may have been taking a stance. But now this has gone too far."

Pensioner Maureen Cannon visits the graveyard regularly where her husband, Peter, was buried 15 years ago.

Mrs Cannon, a lay preacher at the church, said: "I find it a nice peaceful place to go. It's so important it's kept neat at all times."

Archdeacon of Rochester,the Ven Andrew Wooding Jones
Archdeacon of Rochester,the Ven Andrew Wooding Jones

The consultation also sought to find out more about how people use the churchyard, their understanding of the rules and how else the church can "improve people's experience of the churchyard".

A statement from the PCC said: "Based on the consultation responses, we know that there are some things we need to do better."

These include making the notice of regulations more visible and being clear on grave maintenance."

Responding to the outcome of the consultation, the Ven Wooding Jones said: "I am extremely grateful to all those next of kin who responded to the consultation, and who so candidly shared their views and experiences on what is a very emotive issue.

"Perspectives and lived experiences of how to mark the final resting place of a loved one will always differ. Therefore, this consultation was about genuine listening, and directly sought the views of those with loved ones in the churchyard to see what, if any, change was needed. The decision by the majority of next-of-kin who responded that the Churchyard Regulations should remain the same, therefore holds real value and credibility.

"I am acutely aware that for some, this process, as well as the outcome, will not be easy. I hold them and all those affected by this matter, in my thoughts and prayers."

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