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Kent's weird and wonderful byelaws and just who owns the swans in Maidstone

Rules and regulations regularly get people hot under the collar - and there have certainly been some odd ones over the years.

Debate still rages as to whether Henry VIII really did introduce, in 1535, a tax for all the good men of Kent (and indeed the wider nation) who sported a beard.

Henry VIII - did he or did he not tax all beards? The jury is still out...
Henry VIII - did he or did he not tax all beards? The jury is still out...

But, urban legend or not, there remain plenty of odd laws which continue to this day.

Did you know, for example, that a 1977 bye-law in Tunbridge Wells prevents anyone playing a guitar (or any other musical instrument for that matter) in the council's parks and recreation grounds? Or hang their clothes up to dry in the parks either?

While in Folkestone & Hythe, a 1990 regulation prohibits farmers from burning any straw on a weekend or bank holiday? While a 1978 byelaw for the same district prevents the use of skateboards or rollerskates on any street or public place if it's likely to annoy anyone else.

Meanwhile allotment holders in Maidstone can dismiss any hope of keeping bees there as all livestock is prohibited.

And, given the soaring cost of our energy bills, the price of a hot bath has gone up considerably. But woe betide you if you decide to pack up your Palmolive and think you'll have a nice soak at the municipal pool in Dartford.

Don't sent the kids off to the swimming pool in Dartford instead of pouring a bath at home
Don't sent the kids off to the swimming pool in Dartford instead of pouring a bath at home

A bye-law from 1976 prevents anyone from entering a council-owned pool and getting soaped up.

"No person shall," it reads, "use any soap or similar substance in any swimming bath."

So you'll have to just stick to the showers and the sight of someone lathering themselves up while others do lengths around them have to remain confined to the pages of the Beano.

But there are some stranger ones too.

It's not as if the Queen doesn't own plenty is it? But the Monarch also lays claim to owning all the unmarked mute swans in England too. Seems a bit greedy, one could argue. You'd think she's got her hands full with all those corgis wouldn't you? Yet there's one place in Kent where that's not the case.

Her Majesty The Queen 'owns' a surprising amount of wildlife
Her Majesty The Queen 'owns' a surprising amount of wildlife

Firstly, to clarify, the mute swans are the ones with the orange and black beaks (so don't go confusing them with the yellow and black beaked Whooper or Berwick swan or they'll probably get offended).

The Crown has laid claim to them since the 12th century when, according to the Royal Family's website, they were considered an important food for banquets and feasts.

Times change, of course, and so does the ruling class' menu.

Today, the Queen is the only person in the country actually allowed to eat a swan. But, according to those who are privy to her dining habits, she doesn't take advantage of her rights. Not even at Christmas.

Perhaps when Prince Charles takes over the hot-seat he'll eat the from dusk to dawn. But probably not.

A mute swan - once a tasty treat for the great and the good, apparently. Picture: Martin Apps
A mute swan - once a tasty treat for the great and the good, apparently. Picture: Martin Apps

Every year there's an annual Swan Upping which takes place along a stretch of the River Thames. It may sound like some sort of practical joke on the birds, but in fact it's simply a case of the Queen's Swan Marker (yes, that is someone's job title) punting down the river counting the number of swans and cygnets and tagging them.

However, in Maidstone, someone else lays claim to the swans in the town.

In 1619, James I granted ownership of the swans to the town's mayor - the only borough in the country where the Queen doesn't have ownership.

The rule applies to the stretch of the River Medway which flows through the town and every year the mayor and their 'swan master' does its very own Swan Upping.

However, if you get invited to a barbecue by the current mayor, don't expect a swan sandwich - only the Monarch gets to scoff them, remember.

Spot a mute swan on this stretch of the River Medway and it won't be the Queen who's responsible
Spot a mute swan on this stretch of the River Medway and it won't be the Queen who's responsible

Staying with the Queen - and the royal family's apparent need to own everything that moves - the next time you spot a dolphin off the coast, or some poor unfortunate whale takes a wrong turn and gets washed up on our shores, the person to call will be, you guessed it, Her Majesty.

Since 1324, and the reign of Edward II, the monarch owns all the dolphins, whales, porpoises and even sturgeons within three miles of the UK shoreline.

So should you catch one then, legally, its the Queen's.

I don't remember a royal visit to the whales beached in Thanet, near Faversham or Sheppey over recent years, but perhaps she went in disguise. Or maybe sent Prince Andrew.

Not that she's probably overly fussed these days. According to the old law, the King owns the head of the whale, while the Queen gets the tail. Which doesn't sound very fair, but something Camilla may wish to take note of in the future.

A beluga whale - like that seen off the coast of Gravesend - would technically have been the Queen's
A beluga whale - like that seen off the coast of Gravesend - would technically have been the Queen's

If you ever wondered what happened to the Beluga whale which entertained the crowds off Gravesend a couple of years ago - it might be worth calling Buckingham Palace. It disappeared but is probably splashing about in a pond in the palace's gardens.

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